Your Heart in Black
by LilyEverlasting
Summary: If I could see color, I think it would look like Sokka. If color could be felt, I think it would feel like Sokka's body against mine...but the reality is, color is nothing but a fantasy, and so is love. TOKKA! You know you love it. Maybe angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender or any of its characters.** I do not profit off of it in any way. Except for the reviews. The reviews keep me goin'.

_I apologize for OOC-ness, but this my fanfic, and so the characters are written how I view them for this particular fic. This will be novella length. I plan on completing it by June. Check profile for news on story progression. I do update it._

Ages:

Katara-30

Aang- 28

Kya- 10

Sokka- 31

Suki- 32

Toph- 28

Lin- 4 weeks old currently

* * *

_Your Heart in Black_

Some think it is a curse to be devoid of sight. They fear the darkness, the unknown. I say those who can't be comfortable in the dark can't truly _see_ anyway. If they were more aware, more accepting of the dark, they might come to understand that with what may seem like a disadvantage, can actually become an advantage.

I can't see the stars. I don't know what it's like to look into the eyes of your lover. I can't experience the majesty of looking at and appreciating an ocean or a mountainside and its color.

But that's alright. I don't _need_ to see.

Lin's cries are soft at first. A whimper. I fell a familiar tug at my breasts as my milk lets down in response.

She's hungry.

Some might think it's a curse to not be able to look into the face of your child. But…I _see_ her. I see her when I hold her fragile body close to mine. I see her when I feel her mouth tug at my nipple as she feeds. I see her when she gurgles. I see her when her tiny hands clutch at my clothes, tug at my hair.

I see my daughter, and she is beautiful. Her cries rise in volume and pitch. I know the hallways of my small home, and I rise from my bed, my bare feet slapping against the cool wooden floor. My hand reaches out on instinct, only to find the door to her bedroom a moment later.

She's wailing now. The little monster's mad at me. I feel the beginnings of a smile. I can feel it in my chest too, slowly swelling and bursting, the warmth of it trickling through my body like drops of sunlight, making me swell with something I never thought I could feel.

Love is a funny thing. Who knew an emotion could be so…_powerful_. And I used to think anger and hate could move mountains. Or maybe just some damned good muscle.

Slowly, delicately, I lower my arms, my fingers gliding over smooth skin. She's only wearing a diaper. It's too damned hot out to wrap her in something. Lin's cries rise in a crescendo. My fingers tuck in under her arms and carefully raise her up. By now, I can feel the cool dampness of my milk seeping through my shirt.

I haven't had much sleep, my nerves are fraying because Lin isn't sleeping longer than an hour at a time, and this wet shirt thing irritates the fuck out of me right now. I hate feeling cold and wet, but I forget about it when Lin latches on. I can feel the gentle sucks and pulls of her mouth, and she quiets in my arms. I love these moments. I'm already in the rocking chair, the soothing motion of it putting us both to sleep.

When a blind person dreams, they do see things. It's a warped sense of reality, as your mind tries to piece together your idea of the world and manifest it into a shape. In my dreams, I see outlines bright and stark against the sweet blackness, just like when I'm awake.

In my dream, I hear voices. I hear _his_ voice. Low, deep, husky. The vibrations of his baritone making the air around me quiver as if in anticipation. My body hums in delight, and I embrace his warmth. His hands are rough and calloused, but when they glide over my skin, stroking me gently, it's the softest touch I've ever felt. I can feel him, hard against my thigh, his body shaking with need. His mouth is hot and wet against mine, and our teeth graze as the kiss intensifies aggressively.

I want him.

I don't care about the consequences.

_Just give me this one night. So long…I've waited so long for this._

I'm clinging to him. I'm clinging to him like driftwood as I'm rocked against the sea of our bodies molding and crashing together. His back is slick with sweat under my fingers. The bones of his hips are hard and ruthless against my own. He's breathing in my ear. I arch against him, the sound of his voice so close and near it makes me want to melt into him.

_Toph. Oh God._

If I could see color, I think it would look like Sokka. I think it would feel like Sokka's body against mine, our bodies so close I wouldn't have been able to tell which heartbeat was mine.

Warmth. There's sunlight on my face. I'm scowling. I fell asleep in the rocking chair. Lin is still nestled in my arms. I can feel her tiny hands clutched at my shirt, her face nuzzled against my breast. She hasn't woken. I still have time for myself. I don't want to move, even though my muscles are screaming in protest from sleeping in a wooden chair the last couple hours. I still would rather not move.

It happens then; the inevitable dull ache that eats away at my insides, threatening to curdle my blood with its poison. I hate it. I _loathe _it. I am strong. I am _above_ this pain. I will be above this pain, and not just for myself.

If I could, I would never dream of him again. If I could, I would rip out of the parts of myself that still want to cry over him when I touch Lin, when I hear her cry. I never do. Cry over him, I mean. I'll be damned if I shed a single tear. Lin stirs against my breast, and I remember why my tears have turned into dust.

My daughter is beautiful. She is beautiful because she is mine. She is beautiful because I love her. She is beautiful…

Because she is _his_.

* * *

"No." I don't have to see to know the person at my door is cowering slightly before me. Katara takes a hesitant step back, if the vibrations in the earth are anything to go by. I'm filling the doorway, and I know my glare is heated enough to singe away all the _nice_ she's been throwing at me.

"Toph, please." I hate that her voice has grown soft. Some days, I miss Katara, but not today.

"I'm not going. I have a life here, Katara." She hesitates. I hear a sigh escape her lips.

"Aang needs you." I snort at this.

"Then Twinkle Toes can come visit me himself. I need a good laugh, anyway."

"Toph-" Lin suddenly begins to wail.

"Dammit. Now look what you've done. Do you _know_ how long it took to put her to sleep?" I'm irritated as fuck today. Yeah, my mood's black, but so is my world, so it's all good. I stomp off, making my way past the kitchen, sitting room, and into the hall, making a right. Soon enough, Lin is in my arms. I attempt to bounce her. Doesn't work. Huffing, I offer her a nipple. She doesn't take it. Her cries are becoming more insistent. I continue to bounce her.

"I don't remember inviting you in." I bite out. I can sense Katara in the doorway to Lin's bedroom.

"Have you…have you tried lying her across your lap?"

"What?" I mutter. I don't know what she's talking about. Lin's been crying like this most of the night, giving me a few breaks in between, and I'm about to crack from the lack of sleep. That or tear someone's head off.

"Lie her on her tummy, across your lap." Katara explains, as if it's common sense. She's pissing me off. I hate to admit it, but I didn't exactly bring Lin into this world with a head full of_motherly knowledge. _The competitive nature in me doesn't want to show Katara that sometimes, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I'm a fine mom, dammit.

"I think I know how to take care of my kid, Katara." I spit. Lin's full out screaming bloody fucking murder by now. _Oh hell. _All the _shhh's_ in the world do nothing to help. Whoever said making that noise soothes a baby by reminding it of the womb was a total quack. If anything, it makes Lin scream louder.

"Oh, just do what I said!" Katara snaps. I don't want to be upstaged. I don't want to be reminded that I know very little about being a mother, having just inherited the title a mere four weeks ago. Grumbling obscenities about know-it-alls, I sit my stubborn ass in the rocking chair and do as she says. Lin screams all the louder.

"What the hell kind of advice is this?"

"Pat her on the back-_lightly_!" Katara scolds. I rub Lin's back and pat it gently. After a few moments, she burps, loudly enough to make me giggle and proud to call her my daughter. _Oh yeahhhh. She's alllll Toph._

"See? She had gas. Kya was a little colicky around this age too. It helped to put her on her belly." Funny how she's remembers that, seeing as how Kya was a baby ten years ago. Katara steps into the room, and my delicate hearing and senses realize her footsteps are heavy.

"You're pregnant!" I exclaim. I can almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Due in a couple months." She says proudly.

"I can't believe Aang is letting you travel like this at seven months pregnant." Talk about totally out of character. If I know Twinkle Toes, he'd be all over Katara and her swollen body like a bee protecting its honey. That man knew no shame when it came to Katara. In Republic city, I have to endure their sickeningly cute pet names for each other. I cover a snicker with a cough.

"He doesn't know." Katara said simply, an impish quality to her voice.

"What? You came here all alone? Oooh you _dare devil._" There was a pause.

"Toph, we need you. We _miss _you. Come home. The police force-"

"The Police force can do just fine without me for a while longer."

"How _much_ longer? Toph, you've been gone about a year." The way her voice drops makes my heart clench.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Her voice is soft. "Hell, I didn't even know you were _pregnant_ until you wrote me after being gone for_ months_! Why can't you trust me?" She's hurt. It melts away my frustration and anger. I miss her. I miss having friends.

"It's got nothing to do with you. It's my own business. I have a kid now. She comes first. Besides, you didn't exactly trip over yourself to come tell me you and Aang were having another kid."

"I don't question that your daugher comes first. " She answers quickly. She completely ignores my jab at her. "What I don't understand is why you refuse to return to Republic City." Do I have to drill it into this woman's thick skull?

"That's my own business." I repeat stubbornly. Katara harrumphs.

"You just don't want to see the father of your baby." She whispers, hitting the nail on the head. Curse her womanly intuitions. I laugh bitterly and point at my eyes.

"Oh yeah. I'm really worried about _seeing _him."

"Toph," She warns. I say nothing.

"Doesn't he have a right to know his daughter?"

"Don't I have a right to keep my own shit to myself?"

"Toph! Ugh, why do you have to be so _coarse-" _She begins to complain. Comes with being the leader of the police force, baby. Toughens you up; not that I needed to be roughened up anymore. I'm already pretty intimidating, if I do say so myself. After working with men for years and starting at a young age, the words _shit, damn, _and _fuck_ just became part of my already fabulous vocabulary. You couldn't be a lily-livered _daisy_ in front of the grown men you were supposed to teach! Anyway, Katara just hates that I cuss because Kya's first words were _hot damn._

"Why do _you_ have to stick your nose into my business?"

"Toph, you're twenty eight years old. Act like it. If you confront him, you confront him. There's no way around something like that….Who is _he_ anyway? Did you even _tell _this guy you were pregnant?" Frickin' Katara. Leave it to her to have me figured out and turn my story into a melodramatic soap opera before I can even explain. I stiffen, my blood freezing in my veins. She whistles lowly.

"He must have made _quite_ an impact on you for you to have hidden away like this. I can't believe you never even _told _him-"

"I didn't know I was going to keep her then." I blurt out suddenly, hating myself. Recalling that point in my past makes my insides squirm with guilt, seeing as I have the baby I considered aborting nestled in my arms. I instinctively hold her closer, breathing in her sweet smell. For a while, Katara says nothing, and I begin to nurse Lin. I don't ask if she's okay with it. I don't have to hide my boob from a woman who's seen it all before and done it herself. _Modesty. Heh._

"It must have been hard. You were alone, and scared." She finally says. I don't admit I was afraid, but I don't have the fight in me right now to deny it either.

"When I got pregnant with Kya, I was a little scared. I was only nineteen-"

"That was different, even if you didn't plan it. You had Aang. Don't even think about comparing our experiences, because believe me, Katara, they're _not_ the same." My words lash out like a whip.

"He really hurt you, didn't he-?"

"Shut up. I'm not talking about this, and _no man_ can hurt Toph Beifong." What a stupid lie. Katara regards me silently until I begin to squirm.

"I'm leaving tomorrow at dawn. I'll come back. If you don't have a bag packed, I'll leave you alone." God, why does she have to sound so _defeated?_ She is not the victim here!

"You're that sad I'm not there to help Aang with the police force? What's the matter? Is he not spending as much time with you, so you're hunting me down to fix the problem?" My words are bitter and ridiculing. She's quiet for a moment.

"No. I miss you. I just want my friend to come back home. We all miss you." I close my eyes against the ache in my chest. I can hear her feet shuffle, feel the subtle vibrations in the floor boards as she moves.

"What's her name?" Katara asks softly. I swallow the lump lodged painfully in my throat.

"Lin." I croak. I chose it because it sounded strong, yet sweet.

"'I like it. It's lovely and strong." Katara whispers. After she leaves, I don't know how long I stayed in Lin's room, the baby at my breast. I've been in this small house for over a year now. I found out I was pregnant here. I gave birth in this house. It was a little sanctuary I had bought for myself ten years ago. The forest behind the house is actually the Wulong Forest-the location of Aang and Ozai's final battle. There's a lot of history in this scarred earth. Maybe that's why I chose it. It wasn't much, but that was why I liked it. It was simple. When you opened the door you walked into the kitchen. To the side was the sitting room, and a hall that led to my room at the end of, Lin's little room, and a bathroom on the left. I bought this house when I was eighteen. I bought because I wanted a place to go if I ever needed to catch a break and be by myself a while. It's such a cliché too. A little house on a hill, overlooking the tiny village, known as Xi Shulin. I swallow hard and place Lin in her crib.

I grab a bag from my closet and toss crap in it, until I think I've loaded enough clothes and underwear into it to last me. I shove clean cloth diapers in it too. I walk into Lin's room and grab a bundle of frilly clothes the old lady from the fish market gave me for her. I hate the frilly lacy shit, but it works. She won't remember having to wear it anyway. I ball it up and stuff it in there. Miraculously, Lin sleeps through a lot of the night. I actually end up falling asleep on the rug next to her crib, waiting for her to wake screaming and demanding a boob.

When I hear the tentative knock at the door, I don't move for a second. My throat constricts. _Shit. Maybe I shouldn't do this. _Another knock. I still don't get up. After a few moments, I curse and get my ass up off the floor. I open the door, and I know she's still there, waiting. She probably would have given me a good ten minutes before giving up and leaving.

"Really?" She sounds so goddamn _happy, _but I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't glad (sort of) to be going home.

"Yeah." I mumble. She grabs my bag, and I grab Lin. I pause before I close and lock the door, inhaling deeply one last time. There's a distinctive smell to the house. Cedar, dirt, wildflowers, and my own musk. I will miss it. I softly close the door and lock it. There's a satomobile waiting outside for us, and I scramble inside. The things are a rather new development, having just been introduced to the public last year. I'm still not sure how I feel about the growling hunk of metal. Reminds me too much of the Fire Nation's inventions during the war. Before I know it, the car trip ends, and we're on a dock, ready to board a ship.

I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that my heart's beating so fast, it's like it's trying to claw its way out of my ribcage.

I'm going home. Lin coos in my arms, and I smile. _We're _going home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender or any of its characters.** I do not profit off of it in any way. Except for the reviews. The reviews keep me goin'.

_I apologize for OOC-ness, but this my fanfic, and so the characters are written how I view them for this particular fic. This will be novella length. I plan on completing it by June. Check profile for news on story progression. I do update it._

Ages:

Katara-30

Aang- 28

Kya- 10

Sokka- 31

Suki- 32

Toph- 28

Lin- 4 weeks old currently

* * *

_Your Heart in Black_

_There's a rugged, wild beauty about her. I can't say exactly when I began to notice it, but I had always known she was beautiful, even if some of the officers called her "The Beast" behind her back as they slumped over beers at the bar after a long day. Two officers beside me were muttering into the half-pints._

_"I tell ya man, I've never been so scared of a woman in my life! And that's saying something, because my grandma is five feet of mean." The officer beside him snorted._

_"She's a _woman_, and ANY woman can be wooed. You don't have any balls, Chen." I almost choke on my beer at this man's nerve. He fixes a glare at me, puffing out his chest. To my astonishment (and immense amusement, I might add), he pushes away from the bar stand, slaps the table with a fist, and marches towards Toph, who's draped over a chair in the back, laughing raucously with her second hand man, a grisly man named Huang. _

_"And he says _I _don't have any balls? When the Beast is through with Liko, he'll be a woman." Chen insists. I choke on a laugh (and my beer, which feels like it's gone up my nose) and watch over the lazy haze of cigar smoke and ruddy light. Toph straightens as she senses Liko approach her. She slaps her beer down on the tiny table in front of her. Huang's small dark eyes asses Liko like he's little more than a mosquito he'd really love to smash. Liko stops a couple feet before her table._

_"What is it, Daisy? Can't hold your beer?" Toph taunts. Liko colors at this, turning tomato red. Chen is shaking his head sadly. Liko is a lost cause._

_"That's not my name!" He growls. Toph is unimpressed by his childish outburst. She leans back in her chair._

_"Whatever." She throws back a shot, glowering when Liko saunters forward and leans on the small table before her on an elbow._

_"What do you want?" She demands. Liko speaks before he loses his nerve._

_"You're beautiful, you know that-?" He doesn't even get the chance to turn on his charm, if he has any. He squeals in a very unmanly sort of way when Toph stamps her foot, and a rock juts up from the floor boards, right between his legs, sending Liko flying into the ceiling. He lands heavily, writhing on the ground. He looks like he's either going to die or vomit, he can't seem to decide, his eyes bugging out of his head. The bartender yelps and stares at the cracked and broken floor boards. Huang is laughing._

_"Huh. Now I remember why I dubbed you 'Daisy'. Fragile as the flower." Toph reflects, and throws back another shot._

_"You're an idiot, boy." Huang says through tears of mirth._

_"I've seen and heard a lot worse," Toph says, rising and crouching by Liko's curled up form. "But you still went ahead with your dick on your shoulders instead of your head. Next time, you remember. I am _not _the type of woman you want to mess with, and I am _definitely_ not the type of woman you can fuck. I am your commander, your Chief, and you _will _treat me with the respect I deserve. Got it, Daisy?" Liko whimpers through his pain._

_"I said, you _got it_, Daisy? Nod if you understand." He nods. She straightens._

_"Good. Hey, Sweet Cheeks, come get your friend." I look over at "Sweet Cheeks". He flushes and goes to Liko, throwing the other man over his shoulder true cave-man style. Huang really can't stop laughing now._

_"Oi, Sokka, don't be a stranger, come over and drink, now that we got the girls out of the way." Huang snickers. Toph smiles, her black hair veiling her face. She's letting it hang loose tonight, and there's a certain allure to it. The raven hair reaches the small of her back and has a slight wave to it in its unruliness. In the ruddy orange light, her porcelain skin is captivating, and her sightless jade eyes glitter. She has a long face, high cheekbones, thin lips. She's beautiful in an unconventional way. I stand, careful not to look at her._

_"Think I'm gonna head back." I say to Huang, who shakes his head. Toph is still in her seat, saying nothing._

_"Have it your way. Guess we'll be seeing ya at the Council meeting tomorrow." I nod and slip out of the bar, leaving some money on the counter for the bar tender. Outside, the moon is fat and bright. It's October, and a chill clings to the night air. I walk to our usual rendezvous, a small motel down the street from the bar. I wait in the alley beside it._

_Minutes pass. An hour goes by. I shiver, teeth clenched. I'm starting to think I've been stood up. Smothering my anger and disappointment, I push off the wall I was leaning on, only to be startled by a voice._

_"Hey." I yelp in surprise, tripping over a trash can._

_"Toph! I thought-"_

_"Shut up." She's kissing me then, and I can feel my blood roar. I feel lighter than air when I'm kissing her, and everything around me melts away until there's nothing left but us, wrapped up tight in our own euphoria._

_Her deft hands go to my pants, and I pause._

_"Out here?" My breaths fogs out before me. I think I catch a flicker of a grimace on her face, but it gives way to a mischievious smirk._

_"Out here." She agrees. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't get excited and wasn't sorely tempted to take her against the wall, right then and there, but she's aggressive tonight. She's kissing me so hard I get a taste of what it's really like to be kissed breathless. I reach up, and catch her wrists, gently push her away._

_"What the matter?" I gasp out. She's silent. I feel a tremor course through her body as she shivers._

_"Just fuck me. Now." She breathes, voice dark with lust, fingers clawing at my hips as she begins to yank down my trousers in a rather possessive display. This isn't like her, and I'm meeting her here for more than just sex. I release her wrists, suddenly angry. She stands before me, dejected, angry, and shivering._

_"What the matter with you?" She growls, but I notice the hurt lacing her tone._

_"Me? What's wrong with _you_?" I pause. "I won't _fuck _you, Toph." I whisper. She stops shivering, her jaw clenching tight. She tries to turn away, but I grab her by the wrists and pull her towards me so suddenly we're nose to nose._

_"But I will make love to you." Her breath hitches, and for a moment, she looks vulnerable. Lost. She pushes away._

_"Is _fuck_ too vulgar for your soft heart?" She taunts. I shake my head._

_"That isn't it. Something's bothering you tonight, and you're trying to cover it up with sex. Talk to me." I urge. For several long minutes, she doesn't speak. I wait. Toph isn't the most open person about her feelings. Delving into her mind is like trying to pick a lock with a paper clip, but she usually always gives way…._

_At least to me._

_A frown mars her beautiful face, lit up by the silver moonlight and the electric white glow of the street lamps._

_"When were you going to tell me about Suki?" The question makes my heart skip a beat. My stomach clenches uncomfortably. She laughs bitterly._

_"You were going to let me find out tomorrow at the meeting." She shakes her head. "You're such a fucking _idiot." _She turns, ready to march away. Panicked, I reach out for her._

_"No, Toph, please-!"_

_"CHOOSE!" She yells, whirling around. I'm shocked to see the tears streaming down her face. She hasn't let her guard down like that in years. I swallow._

_"I need _time_, Toph-"_

_"Do you love me or not?" There's a wild desperation to her voice. It scares me. I shake my head frantically, even though she can't see the gesture. I just want her to get it. I _need_ her to understand._

_"Yes! I love you. God, I love you so much, you _know_ that-"_

_"Then leave her. Tonight." Her voice is guttural with smothered sobs. How? How do I make her understand?_

_"Toph, I need time. You don't understand-"_

_"It's over, isn't it? Your marriage?" She snaps. I blink._

_"I need time!" I repeat. Something ugly flashes in her eyes. She doesn't understand._

_"You don't love me." My heart turns to stone and drops into my stomach. My own eyes prick with dumbfounded tears._

_"No, that isn't true-"_

_"I get it. You'll fuck me on the side, but you don't have the balls to make me your one and only. Suki's got your necklace around her neck, and it's going to stay there. She's wife material. I'm not." Her voice is dead and hollow. I'm too stunned to speak. Where did she get this? When have I _ever_ made it so that such thoughts would enter her mind?_

_"That's not it. At all." I whisper._

_"Then _leave _her."_

_"I'm _going_ to, I swear I am! Toph, I told you, I just need-" I'm struggling to keep from yelling at her in my desperation. She doesn't let me finish._

_"No!" She shouts, eyes wide, tears flowing. Her chest is heaving, her breathing ragged and clipped._

_"You don't _need_ time. You just need her!" She turns on her heel and books it. I lunge, trying to reach out and grab her wrist, stop her from doing this, but a rock juts out of the earth and blocks my path. I slam right into it._

_I broke my nose that night. It was also the last night I saw her. _

"Sokka?" I blink. I realize I've been sitting at the edge of the bed for at least ten minutes, hunched over and silent, shoulders tense. I'm staring at a bubble of dried pain on the wall. My eyes drift to the pack stuffed with clothes at my feet. Our closet is open wide, revealing my side of it to be bare.

"Sokka," Her voice is soft, tentative. Suki is standing in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

"Yeah?" I mutter.

"Talk to me." She all but whispers.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Don't do this." She's quick, and crosses the room in a few strides, kneeling by me. Her blue eyes are glazed with tears. Wide, hurt.

I can't seem to spare anyone the pain. Maybe I just have to live with the fact that I can't soften the blow. I'm going to hurt her, and I'm going to hurt her badly, and there's nothing I can do to make it any better. I love her, and so I care. I won't deny it, but there's a difference between love and being _in_ love.

"Suki, it's been over for a long time. We were just too stubborn to admit it." My voice is quiet. Suki shakes her head, clutches my arm.

"No." Her voice quavers. I don't answer. I only close my eyes at the sound of her oncoming tears.

"Baby, no, _please_." She cups my cheek. I admit, when I realized Toph wasn't coming back, I tried to make it work with Suki again. Maybe it was the universe's way of punishing me, telling me that I couldn't walk away, and because I had said my vows, my loyalties were supposed to lie elsewhere. Maybe it was fate telling me I couldn't leave Suki, because she still needed someone to take care of her. Trying to make it work again only made it hurt worse, though.

"I can't do this anymore, Suki."

"I can. _We_ can-!" I stand up. She continues to kneel, looking up at me with such desperate and foolish hope.

"Do five years together mean _nothing_ to you?_"_ She cries. If I look at her, I won't be able to do this. I keep staring at the bubble on the wall.

"We got married because you were pregnant. I loved you, but I wasn't ready. When we lost Touya…" My voice trails. She hiccups softly. I don't want to remember this part of my life. I clear my throat, which is starting to constrict with emotion.

"When we lost him, we lost us. We were never the same, Suki. The first two years after, we hardly spoke to each other. I tried making it work. I _tried_ to help you be yourself again-" She shakes her head.

"I'm getting _better! _You can't do this to me if I'm getting better! You _can't-!_" She wails, hands over her heart.

"DAMMIT, SUKI!" I can't help it, I yell. The ferocity in my voice makes her shrink away. I try to control my voice. It shakes when I speak with all the concentrated anger and bitterness I have developed towards her in the recent years.

"You remember when I found you in the bathroom?" She blanches. "I saved you, over and over. Somewhere along the way, I guess I couldn't take it anymore. I get that you're upset. I understand how bad it got. But what about me?" Tears are streaming down my face. She stares.

"What about me? What about your _husband_ who had to bandage your wrists and try to stop the bleeding when you slit them in the tub? What about the husband who tended to your every need because you wouldn't get out of bed for days? You wouldn't even _move. _You stopped talking to me, you isolated yourself. No matter how much help I tried to get for us, it never worked. You _never _got over it-!"

"HE WAS MY _BABY_!" She shrieks, wild-eyed.

"TOUYA WAS MY SON TOO!" I shout back. I swipe at my eyes. She's shaking on her knees, arms wrapped around her middle, head bent.

"It wasn't your fault." I choke out. She shakes her head.

"I should have been watching him. I turned my back-"

"Suki, that's enough. You need to accept that it wasn't you fault. Stop punishing yourself. That's what ruined our marriage." I pick up my pack, and leave the bedroom, softly closing the door. As soon as I do, she wails. The sound is so bitter, so heart-wrenching, that I don't leave the house like I planned. Instead, I lean against the door, and slowly slide down to the floor.

I sit in front of the door for what feels like hours.

* * *

Katara stares at the bag in my hand, a shocked look on her face. It's twilight, and I'm standing outside the house she and Aang have on a small island overlooking Republic City. Katara hasn't invited me in yet. She just stands in the doorway, a hand on her swollen belly, her ice blue eyes looking at my bag.

"You actually did it." She whispers. The way she says it makes my heart clench, as if I've done something wrong. Her eyes snap up to my face, searching for any signs of distress.

"Are you alright?" The softness in her voice makes me irrationally angry.

"I'm fine." I grumble.

"Mommy! Mommy is Daddy home yet?" Kya squeals, running into view, her dark pigtail braids loops bouncing as she runs. She blinks bright blue eyes up at me and grins. There's a small gap between her two front teeth. Katara smiles softly.

"He will be soon." She says. Kya laughs and jumps into my outstretched arms.

"Uncle, you wanna see the water bending moves I learned, huh? I _really_ wanna show Daddy, but he isn't home yet!" She bounces on her feet and she blabbers on. I chuckle and pull back, looking into her beaming face.

"Ah what the heck, go show me what you got!" She laughs and steps outside. I see Katara has given her a small skein for water to strap onto her belt. Kya takes a breath and assumes a stance. Her movements are a little clumsy, as it's a new move, but in the end she executes it well. She send the water whip she's created crashing into a nearby tree. I look over at my sister, and see she's practically glowing with pride.

Someone claps their hands enthusiastically. Kya turns and her cherubic grin splits her face. Katara pops a hand on her hip and grins, looking back. Aang is standing behind us, grinning.

"That was _brilliant_, Kya!" He praises, scooping up the girl as she runs towards him as full speed.

"Katara, I think we have a master water bender in our midst!" Kya giggles, tugging in her father's beard.

"Daddy!" She cries. Aang laughs and sets her down.

"Are you joining us for dinner, Sokka?" He asks brightly. His smile falters when I gesture at the pack slung over my shoulder. His gray eyes lose their mirth and become serious. He nods.

"Kya, go wash up for dinner." Katara commands. She pouts, hands akimbo.

"But Mama-"

"Do as your mother says, Kya." Aang asserts. My niece sighs and disappears into the house. Aang comes towards me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" I shrug him off gently. Why is everyone asking me that? It's starting to piss me off. I left my wife of five years. Whoop-de-doo. I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to suddenly dissolve into a puddle of hopeless tears. It was my decision. I'm just _peachy. _

"I already told Katara I'm fine. Just _fine_. I'll find another place soon, and I'll be out of your hair." Aang frowns.

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you need, Sokka." Aang says quietly. We eat dinner in silence. Katara and Aang don't press me for details. Kya babbles animatedly and gets scolded for trying to water bend the lychee juice in her cup (the bubble she made ended up bursting and spraying us all with the sugary drink).

It's while I'm helping Katara mop up the juice on the table that she delivers the most interesting news of the night.

"Toph is back." She says, as casually as if discussing the weather.

My heart stops.

* * *

A/N: Reviews are good, my readers, reviews are good...thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Spot errors? Let me know please.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender or any of its characters.** I do not profit off of it in any way. Except for the reviews. The reviews keep me goin'.

_I apologize for OOC-ness_

* * *

_Your Heart in Black_

When I step into my home, which is nestled in the heart of Republic City, I become aware of the change around me. I notice the heavy silence, and the aura of loneliness the empty house emits from its lack use. The air in the house is stagnant, thanks to the late summer heat. The smell that clings to it has a bit of an odor to it. I wrinkle my nose. It's faint, but detectable. Lin whimpers in the wrap she's nestled in, her cheek against my chest. I fidget. Having her in the wrap in this heat is just about unbearable. I'm so fucking hot I don't know what to do with myself. She can't be too comfortable either. I bounce on the balls of my feet.

"Shhhh." I walk deeper into the house. Compared to my little hut in XI Shulin, this house is far more grand. It's floor plan is spacious and much, much wider. I know I'm in the living room. I inhale again, determined to find the source of the faint stench that clings to the lazy summer heat. Following my nose, I weave through the couches, stopping before a little end table that sits between the furniture. Tentatively, I reach out with a free hand, my fingers probing the air until I find it.

I feel something rough, hard, and dead. My fingers clasp over the object completely, and I realize I'm touching dead flowers, dried and shriveled to the extreme. There's a slight odor of decay emanating from them. I frown. I know I didn't leave flowers to rot in my house. It's when I grab the dead flowers by their rotting stems that I feel it, and my hand retreats as if burned. Lin wriggles in the arm I'm holding her with, and I swallow with a little difficulty.

In the vase, nestled between the flowers, is a shell. It's surface is so smooth, my fingers glide over it. Gathering my courage, I put Lin on the couch and reach into the vase for the shell. For a long moment, I hold it in the palm of my hand, feeling it. Delicately, I place it to my cheek, closing my eyes against an onslaught of fucking prissy tears that really shouldn't be in my eyes to begin with.

_God damn him._ He had tried to apologize, all those months ago. He had sent me flowers. Probably jasmine, because I loved the smell of them, and he had put the shell in the vase. Without thinking, I toss the damn thing, hard, so that I hear it break as it hits the wall.

"Fuck you." I mutter, swiping my nose against my arm. Lin begins to cry, and I go over to her, shushing her. She quiets, and I retreat into my bedroom, lying us both down on the large bed. I curl my body around her, hugging her to me. For the first time since I left Sokka, I cry.

_It's soothing. Listening to the waves crash against the sand. The smell of salt in the air, the wind that ripples the water with waves gently buffeting about our faces. I'm running across the beach. I squeal, laughing, when he grabs me by the hips and we collapse into the sand, entangled in one another. I try to wriggle away, still laughing, but he tickles me in just the right spot-pervert knows I'm ticklish in my thighs._

_"S-stop!" I say through bursts of laughter. He's laughing too, the sound seeming to reverberate through my very body. I feign defeat, then jab him lightly in the stomach with my fingertips, where he's most ticklish. He yelps and falls over, leaving me to straddle him in triumph._

_"Mercy! Mercy!" He cries, still laughing._

_"Too bad, I'm not done with you yet." I tease. I can almost hear the smile in his voice._

_"What are you going to do to me?" I grin impishly, running my fingers up and down his chest._

_"Kiss me and find out." He doesn't need to be told twice. I'm soon lost to a world of passion. I know nothing else but his voice, his smell, his heartbeat. The feel of his skin against mine. The softness of the warm sand underneath our undulating bodies. He gently flips me over, so that I'm on my back beneath him._

_It's coming, the blissful union of our bodies, and I wriggle in anticipation for the feel of him inside me. He pauses before he enters me, however. His lips hover above my ear._

_"I love you." He whispers, and I gasp as he pushes in without warning. I don't answer. The sex is raw and euphoric. Before long, we're panting side by side on the sand, our fingers laced._

_We lie in silence for a while._

_"Did you mean it?" I whisper. My heart clenches when I hear nothing but the sound of the sea, whispering as its waves glide onto the sand and retreat._

_"Yes." He whispers back. I'm suddenly hit with a tumult of emotions. Fear, pure joy, irritation, desperation. I admit, when we slept together for the first time, I didn't think it would evolve into much. I slept with him expecting a one-sided love the next day. I expected to be alone, and to feel like a slut for sleeping with another woman's husband. Instead, I had woken up with him still beside me. Maybe I'm not that sensitive, but instead of feeling revolted for what I had done, I felt…invigorated. I was _happy.

_Now here we were, weeks later, and the chump tries to tell me that he _loves _ me. A smile spreads across my face. For a moment, I forget about Suki. I forget about the bitterness, the anger, the jealousy that eats me alive when he's not with me. I forget about the pain, because in this moment, it's only me and him._

_"I love you too," I murmur, taking a leap. We spend the next hour making love again. Before I know it, he has to go home. Instantly, I harden, shying away from him._

_"You shouldn't do this to her, Sokka. You should leave her. This has been going on for five weeks now. It isn't right." I know it's the truth, but it's not like I'd stop unless he did. Does that make me a bad person? Sokka's quiet a moment._

_"Toph-"_

_"Fine. Leave. Go back to her." I snap. He's silent again, but this time it isn't a peaceful quiet._

_"Toph this really isn't as easy as you try to make it sound!" He retorts. I laugh bitterly. To me, he's just being a pussy._

_"Why is that? Is she just that good in bed?" I've said the wrong. I know I've said the wrong thing. I'm sure he's disgusted and pissed off right now. Good._

_"Don't do this to me right now. Not right now. You should know better than anyone why I'm taking my time to leave her. You _know_ she's in a fragile state-!"_

_"And us being together behind her back won't do anything to her _fragile_ state? She will find out once she comes back! Oh yes, you are_ so_ conscientious about her fragile state!_"_ I hiss. I want him to storm away, curse at me, leave. Half of me is aching for his touch, and the other half wants to slap him silly._

_"I _swear_ to you, I am going to leave her-"_

_"Fine. She gets back from her trip in October. Do it then." I challenge. I don't expect him to answer right away, but he does. Surprised, I quiet._

_"Fine. October, then." He insists. It's August. We have two more months together before Suki returns. She's left to Kyoshi Island to get away, be with her parents, and teach the young girls at the training center. I guess she and Sokka had something of a falling out, and so she left to give them both space for the sake of their wilting relationship. Only, her leaving gave way mine and Sokka's attractions for one another. It gave us an opening to act on those attractions, and now _I _am the one in Sokka's arms. Not her. My heart constricts. No, not her. Me. _I'm_ the one he's kissing and loving. _

_I shouldn't be so bitter towards such a sweet woman. It's true, there's nothing to really hate about Suki. She's just a very sad woman who is still heartbroken over her child's death. She's grown old in a relatively short amount of time, and Sokka can't seem to mend her. I don't hate her...but I do feel sorry for her._

_"I'm just…I'm afraid of what I might do to her." Sokka confides quietly. I take a breath, trying to reign in my anger and jealousy. I keep myself from asking the invevitable: How much time are we talking here? A month? Two? A year?_

_"That doesn't justify what we're doing. If you want to be with me, you'll leave her. I won't be second, Sokka. I won't." I say, the jealousy evident by the edge in my voice. _

_"Toph, she hasn't…she's hasn't been herself since we lost Touya. I know this sounds idiotic, but if I can, I want to soften the blow. We...losing Touya really did a number on us, but Suki will never be the same." His voice is so soft, I have to strain to hear. My heart pains for Sokka then, and I almost feel foolish for feeling so angry. Touya…I remember the small child. He had such a fiery spirit, he was such a little dare devil too. Always putting Suki on edge, always making Sokka laugh.I called Touya Squeaker, because his voice was so high. The little boy thought it was funny. He laughed at me all the time for calling him that._

_I reach out for Sokka. He's so quiet, I fear he's crying. When I touch his face, I find my assumptions to be true._

_"I…I miss him so much. It's not fair. No parent should outlive their child. Sometimes I think of what I could have possibly done to deserve something so horrible in my life." His voice breaks, and I gather him close to me. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. We listen to the waves for a while._

_"He loved the beach." Sokka sighs after a while._

_"I know." I whisper, hugging him a little tighter._

_"Do you know what he loved to do?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"I would always walk along the sand and find shells with him. He loved it. Once, he picked one up, and there was a little hermit crab inside. That little man, he was so surprised he screamed!" He says with a light chuckle. I giggle, trying to imagine the comical sound of Squeaker's surprised voice. It's been almost two years since the kid drowned in a river by Sokka and Suki's house. He was only two, If he would have lived a couple more weeks, he would have turned three. I know, because I had already bought his birthday present. In fact, it was still sitting in my closet. I couldn't bring myself to return it. _

_"Wanna go look for shells?" I ask. For a second, I'm afraid I've said the wrong thing, but then Sokka speaks. He takes my hand._

_"Let's go." We walk along the sand, the water lapping at our feet. I don't know how long we combed the beach and blabbed away. I felt with my feet for the shells, while Sokka would drift away from me and return, scouring the sand with his eyes._

_"Here, I found one." He places a smooth shell in my hand. I smile as I feel it. I love the smoothness of it. I feel jagged edges. It's broken in half._

_"I bet it's very pretty." I murmur as my fingers work over it._

_"It is. I even found the other half of it!" He says. He covers my hand in his, so that the shell in my hand is hidden in my palm._

_"Take it."_

_"Why?" I say with a snort. What am I going to do with a shell?_

_"Because…" His voice trails. He doesn't let go of my hand. He speaks again, this time with more strength in his voice._

_"I have to go. I have a meeting in the morning. Take it. I'll always have the other half. Even if I can't be there to hold you…you'll have the other half. Kind of like the other half of me." I almost laugh. Sokka is such a dork sometimes._

_"God, you're such a _sap! _What are we, thirteen?_"_ I tease, but I'm secretly overjoyed and feeling mushy, like some love-sick girl (heh! I'm so pitiful!). He chuckles, and kisses my knuckles, the shell still wrapped in my fingers, pressing against my palm. _

The night I left Sokka, I left the other half of my shell on his doorstep. The fool had actually tried giving it back to me, assuring me he still had the other half. The shell was a symbol. A promise that even though we were apart, we would one day be brought together. We would be whole, we would be together, openly, one day. Doesn't matter now that I smashed it though, does it? My heart is racing. I'm crying. I feel as broken as the shell. Broken, even though it was already split in half to begin with.

Too bad the shell never had a chance to be glued back together so it could be whole again.

* * *

The sharp rap at my door makes me groan. Judging by the warmth on my cheek, it's morning. I growl as I rise, desperately hoping the knocking doesn't wake Lin. She had a bad night again, and let's just say I'm not called "The Beast" by those pansies at work for nothing. Gritting my teeth at the sound, I carefully rise, trying not to disturb the mattress so Lin won't wake. If that knocking doesn't get her first.

A wail sounding from my bed makes my fear a reality as more knocks rain upon my front door. I curse. Dammit! Whoever the fuck is at my door is _really _starting to piss me off! Don't they have any courtesy? I mean come on! It can't be that late in the day, give a woman some time to wake up for crying out loud!

"I'm coming!" I snap irritably as the knocks sound again. I scoop Lin up, marching towards the door. Katara is really going to get her head bitten off-

"WHAT?"I demand as I throw open the door, Lin wailing in my arms. There's silence. I frown. I _know_ there's someone standing outside, I can sense it.

"Spit it out, Katara! I had a really bad night and I'm not in the mood for-"

"Toph?" The voice is quiet, stunned, hurt. My world slowly collapses, and Lin's cries suddenly become distant as the familiar male voice sends waves of anxiety, pain, love, and excitement washing over me in a dizzying rush. I'm rendered speechless. Lin won't stop crying, and Sokka is standing outside.

I slam the door, and I'm wondering if I broke the bastard's nose again, since he yelped like a little girl. Then again, I did throw all of my body weight into that door slam. It'd be just like Sokka to try and move in just at the exact moment I try to shut him out.

I remember that Lin is crying, but I don't move.

Sokka is outside my door, and I can't do anything but stand in my living room like an idiot, my daughter screaming in my arms with a vengeance.

* * *

A/N: OMG Sokka showed up! x) Review please! Thanks for reading! Sorry, I know the chapters for this story are short, but since I don't plan on this being something long, I don't want to be done in a couple chapters!


	4. Chapter 4

_Your Heart in Black_

"Toph is back." Katara says casually. At first, I honestly think I haven't heard her right. My mind processes this, turns it into a reality, a truth. The words make time slow, and I fumble with the glass I'm holding. It falls, and shatters on the floor.

I swear, my heart either stopped for a moment in its shock, or at least misses a beat. Katara gasps, and tries to bend down. I beat her to the broken clay cup, waving her away. I really doubt she wants to bend down and pick that up at seven months pregnant. I know _I_ wouldn't have.

"It's fine, it's fine, don't strain yourself!" I scold. She straightens, the frown still marring her face. My heart is beating so fast, I can hear it beating like a drum in my ears. I keep calm outwardly, taking my time picking up the broken pieces, but I can't stop my hands from shaking slightly. I swallow.

"She's back?" I ask. I completely fail at nonchalance. It doesn't matter that I sound surprised; it's big news, with Toph disappearing without so much as a goodbye last year.

"Yeah…" Katara's voice trails, as if she wants to say something, but evidently she decides against it, since she shakes her head. For some reason, this worries me. When I speak, my voice is a little high, making my worry and slight panic a bit too evident for my taste.

"What? What is it? Is she okay?" Katara glances at me shrewdly. She doesn't speak for a moment, obviously reconsidering what she is about to say.

"Don't worry, she's fine, she's just…well, I promised I wouldn't say. You'll see. It's not like she can keep this a secret." She assures me, and takes the broken glass and the pieces from my hands, throwing it away. For a long moment, I don't know what to say. She's only made it worse.

What the hell happened in the last year? I notice Katara is watching me, her light blue eyes narrowed analytically. I shrug, hoping to get her off my trail, and continue to help her clean up the kitchen while Aang puts Kya to bed.

"Are you alright?" Katara asks finally, as she rinses the dishes in her sink.

"Fine. Why?" I'm confident, but my little sister knows me too well. She might as well have a motherly intuition towards _me_, which is very annoying, because there is little I can't hide without her realizing I'm _trying_ to hide something. She doesn't answer. The baby inside her kicks her hard in the ribs, and she winces, bending over the sink a little, her brow furrowed.

"Alright, that does it, I'm going to go to bed." She announces, and waddles a bit out of the kitchen. I chuckle, and take a seat at the table again. I listen as the house quiets around me. After a bit, I hear Aang close Kya's door softly. I hear him tread lightly to his and Katara's room. I hear the low murmur of their voices.

Then everything is quiet, draped in darkness save for the kitchen where I'm sitting. For some reason, it's eerie. I sit at the table for a long time. I know what I'm going to do.

I don't even sleep in the guest bedroom, where Katara has made up a bed for me. I sleep on the couch. I'm buzzing with too much energy to sleep properly anyway. When morning finally arrives, my eyes sting from lack of sleep, and I might as well have been waiting _years_ for the first rays of light.

I close the door softly behind me, careful. The sun is a bright pinprick of flame against a dark sky, barely beginning to rise. I take the ferry to the city, watching as the dark water ripples and splits with the movements of the boat. I'm the only one on board.

It's not going fast enough.

Once ashore, I berate myself for walking so quickly. _Relax._ I can't. I don't take my time. I buy a pear at a fruit stand and eat it on my way to Toph's home. If she's back, that's where she'll be.

She lives in the heart of the city, close to the Justice Building. Hardly a block away from it, actually. Here, the houses are hardly a foot apart from one another. At her door, I pause, taking the time to look around me. Republic City is starting to wake. A satomobile rumbles down the street, honking at some kids running around in the road. They dart away.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door. A minute passes. Nothing happens. I knock more loudly. I pause, then start it up again. I know I'm being a bit of an ass, knocking so much and so loudly, but I can't help it. I _have_ to know. I have to see her. I jump back from the door, startled, when it swings open violently.

Only Toph can make the act of opening a door seem so scary.

"WHAT?" Toph snarls, throwing the door open. For a moment, all I can do is just stare at her face. Her pale jade eyes are red-rimmed and a little puffy, her hair is in tangled disarray. Then, I see her, and my heart clenches painfully. There's a tiny baby in the crook of Toph's arm, her little fists pumping angrily in the air as she screams. Her head is dusted with fine, downy black hair. Her eyes are squeezed shut, fat, crocodile tears slipping down her chubby cheeks. She's reddens as she screams with gusto. My world slowly collapses before clumsily pulling itself back together again.

_How could she do this to me? _It's the only coherent thought I can currently process.

"Spit it out, Katara! I had a really bad night and I'm not in the mood for-"

"Toph?" I whisper. She stiffens, freezing in her doorway. For a moment, the only sound is the baby wailing. So many emotions are swirling through me; my skin feels tight, as though I might burst. There's relief, anger, betrayal, love, excitement. It's all very conflicting.

I'm not sure what I had planned on saying when I take a step forward, but I wouldn't have found out anyway. Toph slams the door shut as I walk forward to her, and it clips me in the face. I yelp, groaning, my face throbbing.

Thankfully, she didn't break my nose this time.

"Dammit!" I curse, wiping my bleeding nose on my arm. I wince, pinching my nose and tilting my head back.

"Open the door Toph!" I yell, my voice thickened with pain and sharp with annoyance. There's no answer. I sniff, wiping my nose again, and march up to the door to bang on it once more.

"Open the door! Toph! I'll stand out here all fucking day and night if I have to-!" The stones that make up her steps suddenly shift and undulate, and I'm thrown off her porch and onto the sidewalk. I land hard on my ass, wincing as I stand.

"Okay! I'll stand over _here_ all day and night!" A little old woman peers out from her window, scowling at me.

"Keep it down over there! Or I'll call the police!" She threatens. I laugh at her.

"Go ahead! She IS the police!" I yell, gesturing wildly to Toph's house. The old woman glares daggers at me before ducking back inside, shutting her window with a _snap._

"I'm not going anywhere, Toph!" I shout, trembling with anger. I pass the morning pacing. Once, I got daring enough to move up to her porch. She must be waiting by the door, because this time, I get thrown into the street. So I wait by the curb on the sidewalk. By early afternoon, the door opens. I stop pacing, my breath hitching. Toph is in the doorway.

"Thirty seconds." She hisses. I walk up to the porch. I shake my head, unsure if I can speak.

"Is she mine?" I ask finally, sudden tears stinging the corners of my eyes. There's silence. I ask again, my voice trembling in an effort to keep from yelling at her.

"Is she _mine-?_"

"Who says she's _yours_, Sokka?" Is the venomous reply, and then the door shuts.

"I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE TOPH!"I shout, my throat dry and hoarse from repeating myself all fucking morning long. Toph's neighbor, the little old lady from before, opens her window and dumps a pot of fish guts out the window. I holler in disgust, getting sprayed by the mess.

"Hooligan! I told you to keep it down! I'm calling the police!"

"THEN _CALL_ THEM ALREADY YOU OLD BAT!"

* * *

"Sokka? Let's go." Huang is at my cell, unlocking the barred door, looking at me as if he can't figure me out. I'm sitting on the cold, hard bench in the cell, my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. Slowly, I rise.

"I gotta say, I didn't believe it when they told me who they'd arrested for civil unrest."

"Yeah, well, the little toad couldn't stand me since this morning. She just finally went through with her threat." Huang snorts.

"You're in over your head, Sokka." Huang comments. I shrug.

"I'm in over my head all the time, Huang. It's nothing new." He snorts and I leave the Justice Building. As I promised, I head back to Toph's place. It's later in the afternoon. The sun is casting long shadows across the street.

I'm not leaving until I get a straight answer. I _know_ that baby is mine. My heart constricts and I don't whether to smile or cry.

I'm a father again.

"Toph!" I whine, forehead pressed against the door. The sun is setting now, bathing the city in fire-bright hues. I still haven't moved. Toph hasn't tried to hurt me with earth bending either. I take this as a good sign. From inside, I can hear the baby begin to cry. I frown. The baby has done a _lot _of crying actually.

I hear Toph curse from inside and I chuckle. She isn't far from the door. She can probably hear every little thing I mutter against the door.

"Toph-"

"OR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LET HIM IN, LADY!"The little old woman shouts from outside her window.

"YEAH, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF LISTENING TO HIS WHINING!"Another neighbor yells.

"DON'T BE HEARTLESS! HE OBVIOUSLY LOOOOOVES YOU!"A woman cries with rapture.

"What she said!" I say, as I bang the back of my head against the door. I'm leaning against it. The sky is now a dark lavender. Suddenly, the door swings open and the ground juts up from underneath me, throwing me into the house. I land with a rather ungraceful plop in the entryway, my chin skimming the floor. I stand with a groan. The baby is still crying.

The house is dark, the light inside it fading with the setting of the sun. Of course, Toph has no use for lamps. I turn one on anyway, for my benefit. Toph is turned away from me, bouncing the baby in her arms. I want, so badly, to approach her, to look into the baby's face.

For a moment, I wonder if the baby will resemble Touya, but the thought is a painful one and I discard it.

"Can...can I see her?" I whisper. Toph doesn't say anything. She continues to bounce, rocking on her heels.

"Toph-"

"Shut up, Sokka, I'm trying to think!" Her voice cracks, bordering on a sob. The baby is screaming, and Toph visibly cringes when the little one takes a deep breath, is silent for a moment, then explodes, the wail bouncing off the walls. Tentatively, I step forward.

"Can I-"

"Here!" She's crying, desperate, feeling inadequate. I know that look. I've seen it on Suki before. I step forward, and gently lift the baby out of Toph's embrace. She stiffens against me, not familiar with me. Even at such a small age, the babies _know_. They know their mother by scent more so than sight, and the little child does not know me. She is afraid.

I pull her close against my chest, rubbing her bare back. Her skin is so soft, and the sweet, natural smell of her fills my nose. It's a comforting smell. I kiss the top of her downy head, and she hiccups. After a few minutes, her cries have stopped. Then, I finally get to look at her. Her skin is creamy, her hair is black. Her eyes are gray, which is usual for newborns. Gray, brown, or blue, the true color won't present itself until later.

She looks so much like her mother. I hold her close again, and I don't hide my tears.

"You were going to keep her from me." Toph does not deny this. She is silent. I swallow the painful lump in my throat with some difficulty. I can't deny the pain. All I can think of is Touya. His sweet, bright smile, the way his hand felt in mine. My daughter grips her tiny hand around my index finger and a small laugh escapes my lips.

"How could you do this to me?" My voice is quiet, controlled, but brimming with anger. The betrayal cuts deep. I would have been denied a child. While Touya was lost to me physically, this child would have been lost to me in another sense.

I would have been denied my right to know she even existed. I can't even speak.

"Your marriage with Suki would have been compromised." Toph says, hollowly. The comment is said to make me feel guilty. I stare at her.

"I _left_ Suki." The words hang in the air, sharp, icy. Toph winces, but pretends to otherwise remain coolly dispassionate towards my presence. For a moment, Toph doesn't speak.

"When?" Her voice is so soft I almost didn't hear. The baby squirms against me.

"Yesterday..." I admit, not proud of my answer. Toph laughs. It is a cruel and mocking sound.

"It only took a year. And you wonder why I didn't tell you." Her words sting, but I'm done trying to explain. I've left my wife. What more does she want?

"What's her name?" I ask. Toph is silent.

"_What-"_

"Lin." She croaks, finally. I kiss my daughter again.

"Lin," I whisper, holding her close. The sudden love for her is overwhelming, and my eyes sting.

"You had no right to keep her from me."

"Don't make me throw your ass out of this house, Sokka." She warns. I swipe at my eyes with my free hand.

God, Lin is beautiful.

I admit, I didn't know if I would ever have children again after Touya. To suddenly have another child in my life...

It's a blessing. A blessing that brings back painful memories for the sibling she will never know, but a blessing nonetheless.

"I'm going to be in her life." Toph doesn't argue this.

"Fine. Can you get out of my house now?" I blink. Where is the woman I loved so passionately? Where is the woman who would laugh and joke and brighten my life like my own personal ray of sunshine?

All I see before me is a bitter, cold woman who wants nothing to do with me. I can't say what I'm feeling...it's too hard for me to understand, currently. Right now, all I can process is the fact that I have a child.

"I'm coming back tomorrow, first thing."

"Fine." Is the cool reply. I kiss Lin, holding her close, whispering to her, hoping she will come to know my voice soon enough and be soothed by it. Reluctantly, I hand her over to Toph.

"Now leave." I think about arguing. I think about trying to break past that icy exterior, but I don't think I should push my luck today.

"Good night, Toph." I say. She says nothing in return. I leave the house with a heavy, angry heart, stepping out into the shadowed streets.

I wonder if this is something that I can fix, something that can be carefully reconstructed with the right amount of time and tenderness. I want to scream at the injustice, but I don't. I have done this to myself, partly. Toph may have hidden herself and our child away, but she wouldn't have done so if I had only had the courage to leave my wife.

I wonder if the blame is something that must be solely placed on my shoulders, as the man, as the lover who didn't cooperate outright, as the one who was supposed to make her believe in what we had...in us. But in the end, she hadn't had enough faith. She had left, out of fear, out of anger.

I don't blame her.

I wonder if she can love me again.

* * *

A/N: Hmm...looks like we are in need of some super glue. Gonna need it to piece everything back together *frowns at mess, hikes up sleeves, and gets to work*


	5. Chapter 5

_Your Heart in Black_

"Oooh let me see her now! You know, I'm excellent with babies. They always love me!" Toph snorts loudly, trying to swallow her laughter as she hands Lin to Aang, who's practically bouncing on the balls of his feet, arms outstretched. He's such a sucker for kids. I chuckle at the sight of him, absentmindedly cradling my belly. Lin goes to him quietly, blinking large eyes up at him. Aang cracks a grin, rocking her. He looks over his shoulder at me, and I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips. I've thrown a welcome home party in Toph's honor, though I was met with much resistance from the guest of honor. A few guests were invited, including Toph's task force, and Huang, the grizzly of an old man who might as well be her right hand man. It's endearing to see such an intimidating looking man melt and play peek-a-boo with a five week old. I direct my attention back to Aang, and I appreciate the sight.

He just looks so damn _good_ with a baby in his arms. Lin's tiny fists grab onto his clothing, and she brings her balled fist to her mouth, sucking loudly on the fabric. Aang coos and gently pries her fingers away. Lin hollers in protest. Toph chuckles.

"I'm impressed, Twinkle Toes." She comments dryly. Aang shoots her an annoyed look. Huang guffaws, excusing himself to go spike his punch, most likely. Sokka, I notice, is watching the exchange with sharp eyes. I frown. My brother is watching the baby in Aang's arms closely. I've seen that look before. Sokka was always a little overprotective of Touya when my late nephew was still an infant. It annoyed Aang greatly.

To think that such a silly person like Sokka could grow to be such a serious parent. Always commenting about supporting the baby's head correctly, or saying to be careful because Touya had quick movements, it was best to hold him in that position, etc. My heart clenches at the thought of Touya, and I find my eyes instinctively roaming for Kya, who's leaving over the arm rest on the couch in the living room, pestering Huang with questions about the flask he pulled out of his pocket. My hand tightens against my belly, willing the little life within to move, reassure me.

The baby rolls, sticking a foot into my side. I rub my hand over the little protruding foot until the baby repositions and tucks the foot back in.

"You alright?" Aang's voice is in my ear, and I instantly lean in towards him as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. I sigh.

"The baby's running out of room." I say. He blinks, then grins, splaying a hand across my belly. He waits a minute.

"He never kicks for me." He sighs, a little disappointed. I giggle.

"You don't know it's a boy." I pull myself away from him, smirking playfully. Aang shrugs.

"I'm telling you, it's a boy. And if I'm right, _I_ get to name him." I make a face, continuing to watch Sokka, who now has Lin in his arms.

"Aang, I loved Bumi, but that doesn't mean I can say the same for his name." Aang laughs loudly.

"If it's a boy and I'm right, I get to name him." He presses. He's so confident. I mull it over. My maternal instinct screams girl, and how can one deny maternal instinct?

"Fine. But if it's a girl, I get the complete say _and_ I want a big box of chocolates." I decide. Aang grins.

"You're on, sweetie." He plants a kiss to my temple, wandering off to speak to one of the councilmen. My thoughts drift, only to be interrupted by Huang, who's got a babbling Kya hanging onto his neck.

"If you drink, it goes straight to your liver and you know what else? You know what, Huang? Huh? Huang you know what else? You wanna know what? Huang?" The man's left eye twitches.

"I think this belongs to you." He gently lowers her. I swallow my laughter and take my daughter's hand.

"Mom, Huang is being a delinquent!" She says huffily. I can't help it. I laugh.

"I'm sure Huang will be punished in the morning for being a bad boy." I say. This seems to pacify her and she runs off to play with some of the councilmen's children, the two sons of the Earth Kingdom councilman Hisao. At that moment, the most anticipated guests of the hour arrive on schedule. The councilmen and their families straighten as firebenders of the Royal Guard escort the royal family into our home. As a dear friend to my husband, to Toph, and me and Sokka, an invitation to Zuko could not be forgotten. I admit, it was sent purely out of regard. I did not expect the Fire Lord to find time to arrange a visit. Although he helped to bring Republic City into existence, Zuko's post remains in the Fire Nation capital with his family, where he is set to rule and oversee his country. I have not seen him in two years, though Aang sees him more regularly.

Zuko looks well. Age agrees with him, I must admit, although at times I still see the handsome, troubled boy from our youth. Mai is looking thin, I notice with a slight frown. Their daughter, Ursa, scampers ahead of them, excitedly greeting Kya. The girl is only a couple of years older than Kya, and the two get along famously whenever our families collide.

The house has grown quiet. Our guests respectfully bow in such a presence, honored. I watch as Aang and Zuko share a friendly embrace, and quick banter, before Zuko makes his rounds. The children have already escaped outside to play, a vexed looking Mai wandering over to me and asking if I have any wine to offer. Zuko is pleased to see Toph, and fawns over the little one in Sokka's arms.

"She's beautiful. Congratulations!" He exclaims. I chuckle, because he does not realize his mistake. It hits me then, square in the chest. Toph grins, accepting Zuko's kindness, and Sokka looks proud. I see it, and wonder why I didn't see it before, why I haven't noticed this past week. I never questioned Sokka, not once, when he would leave for the afternoon, but now I wonder if I should have.

_He really hurt you, didn't he? _I watch Toph through shrewd eyes. Her body language beside my brother is stiff and awkward. She's uncomfortable, yet at the sound of his voice, she involuntarily leans towards him. It's subtle, but not undetectable.

I'm so stunned by this revelation, that I almost miss the warm trickle that slides down my thigh.

* * *

"Seriously, Aang, you're pacing so much you're giving my _feet_ a migraine." I snap. "You're going to wear down the floorboards. Siddown before you hurt yourself." The movements stop. I can feel the chill of his fear, the drum of his heart in his anger. I concentrate on it, so I don't have to notice how closely Sokka is to me. He's so close I can feel the subtle heat of his skin, smell his slightly salty scent that reminds me of rain. Even worse, Lin is curled up in his arms, fast asleep. She's so peaceful, I haven't even felt a blip in her movements, or heard the softest of whimpers.

Little traitor.

Katara's water broke shortly after Zuko arrived, and while it's certainly not something to be thankful for, given the fact that Katara is only thirty weeks along, barely eight months, the sudden and unfortunate incident did save me. Zuko, while the man is otherwise wonderful and great company on his good days, _almost_ ratted me out on accident.

_"Congratulations!" Zuko's voice is sincere, genuinely happy for me. I accept this, feeling myself smile and warm up to his enthusiasm, although part of me twitches as I resist the urge to stomp on his toes and hiss at him to shut up. I convince myself to stop being paranoid._

_"But, I'm a little confused," He begins, a little falteringly. I frown, still fearing that he sees what I hope he doesn't._

_"About what?" I ask carefully. He hesitates._

_"It's wonderful that you two have a child, but Sokka, last I heard, you were still married to Suki?" I feel my blood freeze, and beside me, Sokka is equally as unresponsive. No one knows about us. No one knows about Lin's father. It only took an innocent comment at the wrong time to have me figured out. I floundered for words. I hear Sokka inhale, take a breath, prepare to speak, but then a woman gasps loudly. I take the distraction, head swiveling to the sound._

_"Oh my goodness, Katara, are you alright?" At the mention of Katara's name, my interest and concern piques. I wonder where she is, if she's alright, and then I hear collective, excited murmurs before a sound escapes Katara's throat, a terrified little squeak._

"Here she comes." I say, detecting the soft movements before the bedroom door on the other side of the house even opens. More footsteps. Aang, probably, rushing to greet the midwife. I strain to hear.

"...complete bedrest. It's only a slight tear, not a complete rupture. Sometimes this corrects itself if handled delicately. However, it may break completely at any time, and if that happens, labor is imminent and there is nothing I can do. Any contractions she's feeling now are irregular, and are not causing any dilation, so that's a hopeful sign. For now, she's not in labor, but you must be alert. Call me if anything changes or intensifies. She must up her water intake; this will help replenish any fluid she loses. Make sure any stress is minimal." That is all the midwife has to say. She excuses herself, after noticing Lin and cooing softly over her. We wait in silence as Aang and Kya visit Katara for a moment alone.

"Well, some party this turned out to be." Mai comments dryly. I can sense Sokka stiffen in annoyance beside me, and I almost reach out to touch him. Almost. Mai is a little tipsy, and I doubt she'll be as careful as she normally would about what slips out of her mouth. There is a rustle of cloth. Her husband scooting closer to her, I imagine.

"At least the baby isn't coming. That's a relief." I hear Zuko sigh.

"Mom? Dad? What would happen if the baby is born?" I hear Ursa ask. Mai doesn't answer, but I can hear the softness of her patting her daughter's hand.

"The baby would be too small." Zuko answers. "Babies need to stay in their mothers for the entire nine months, or else they might not be strong enough." The princess quiets after listening to her father, but it is a sullen silence. Ursa, I feel, is a little afraid.

"We won't be doing to a funeral or anything, will we?" She whispers to her mother. It is an innocent question, the frightened wonderings of a child.

"Don't say things like that. That's awful and you shouldn't be thinking it." Mai snaps. Ursa inhales sharply at the reprimand, but is silent.

I find myself automatically reaching out to Lin, even though she's in Sokka's arms. My fingers graze over the skin on his arm, and the touch is almost electric. He doesn't shy away. I take my daughter's little hand, tiny fingers wrapping around one of mine.

"Was your pregnancy smooth?" Sokka suddenly asks, voice barely above a whisper. I pause.

"It was fine." I mumble. Very uneventful, actually, but the morning sickness was killer. He's quiet, and I know what he's thinking. He's thinking of his sister in her bed.

"What if something like that had happened to you? And you hadn't told _anyone-"_

"Shut up, Sokka." I interject, running the pad of my thumb lightly over my child's curled fingers. I hear footsteps again.

"Toph? Katara wants to talk with you really quick?" I think nothing of Aang's words. I shrug, leaving Lin with Sokka, and stroll into the bedroom a minute later with Aang. My attitude changes with the atmosphere of the room. There's fear, and something else...

"Toph." Katara's voice is distant. I contemplate turning around and leaving. What the hell is she so freakin' mad for?

"Yeah?"

"I...I can't watch Lin tomorrow." I pause, thinking, _did I just hear her right?_

"Um...you're upset because of that? Katara, you don't have to tell me! You're bed ridden, of course you can't watch her!" My voice rises a little in pitch, annoyed that over everything that has just happened, Katara is supposedly sorry for not being able to watch Lin on my first day back to work. That's ridiculous.

"You know...Sokka should be able to." It's such an innocent observation, that despite her situation, I automatically frown in suspicion. For a moment, I wonder if she _knows_, though I don't know how she could. I clear my throat.

"I don't think-"

"But he's so _good_ with the baby, I've seen him. After his morning meeting with the Council, he should be able to watch her. It's perfect!" I can't believe what I am hearing. There's no doubt about it. The woman knows. She knows, and she's backing me into a corner. Either I confess, here and now, or I grumble and dig my heels in.

I choose to dig my heels in.

* * *

Something's wrong. I know it the instant Toph appears, her face set in a porcelain mask. She's upset. I wonder what could have happened, and my worries for Katara take flight. Beside me, Mai is sipping wine, her daughter sitting quietly beside her, occasionally casting furtive glances Kya's way, but my niece is too preoccupied with thoughts of her mother. Her normally bubbly nature is subdued as an effect of the day's turn of events.

Lin squirms against me, and I hold her a little closer, pressing a soft kiss to a puffy little cheek.

"I'm gonna go." Toph says suddenly, reaching for our daughter. I blink.

"But, wait a minute-" Not yet. This is too soon. I didn't even see Lin yesterday, and hardly at all the day before. This is the most I've seen her all week, and I'm not about to easily give in to Toph's demands at the moment, but before I can open my mouth to protest, she speaks.

"I don't have anyone to watch her tomorrow." I pause. Tomorrow is her first day back at the force.

"I'm working, but-" I begin to say. I should have time after my morning meeting if there is no one available to watch Lin...

"But, what? Wanna prove something to me, _Daddy?_ Come up with something, or old Mrs. Song gets Lin for the day." Toph bites out. I glare at her.

"I'll pick her up first thing."

"Brilliant."

* * *

I can hear the murmurs, the rumors. The poor souls think I've gone soft. I swallow a chortle, hands behind my back, feeling more comfortable in my uniform than I do in a silk robe. Ah, this is what was missing!

"I'm Chief Bei Fong, and I want to personally welcome the newest recruits to the Force." The whispers cease, the new recruits snap to attention, and I can hear the soft clinking and rustling of their clothing as their attention snaps obediently to me, the subtle vibration in the floor as they turn.

"I know I haven't been around for a good half of your training, but that ends today." Without warning, my foot slides, and the metal rods in the training room are released from the net in the ceiling, raining down upon the group. I hear the unfortunate, disappointing clatter of some rods, while others, I'm pleased to notice by the absence of the clatter and the motions of some of the young officers, are currently suspended midair, harmless. There are yelps and cries of alarm when I widen my stance and clench my fists towards my body, causing the metal that managed to be upheld by some of the officers to twist, bend, and shoot for the nearest bodies. The intent is for the metal to wrap around the bodies, and the officers will have to dispel it. If they're strong enough to suspend the metal in midair, they're strong enough to actually bend it.

"Are you crazy!" A recruit cries. I zone in on his voice, and juding by the feel of his frantic movements, he's struggling with his coiling metal while the others who failed the metal rod test are probably watching, because they're utterly silent. I make my way towards the guy, pleased to notice a body I pass successfully wrestle his metal coil away, uttering a cry of triumph.

"Fuck yeah, I'm awesome!" He cries. I shake my head. He squeals when the metal he bended shoots upward and hits him in the gut. He falls over and grunts in pain. Finally, I find the struggling recruit who dared called me crazy. Even if there's a little truth to it.

"Am I crazy? Maybe a little," I say, in response to the recruit's earlier question. "Now bend that metal." I demand. I can hear his voice bubbling in his throat, smell his sweat as he struggles, feel his movements.

"Do it!" I snap. He's still struggling. Time for a little motivation. The metal begins to tighten, and the recruit cries out in protest.

"Stop! Stop! I can't bend it!" He cries, truly frightened.

"Yes you can. You should be able to bend it. You started with coins and you mastered those. A rod should be a piece of cake." The tightening metal is shrouding his mind with doubt and fear. If he can't bend his way out of a frightening situation, he's no good anyway. What use is a police officer with no backbone?

"Come on, recruit, you gonna let that rod beat you? _Bend it!"_ I smile when the metal creaks in protest, and snaps. He's broken through it.

"Very good." I say. I address the rest of my group.

"In order to get into my Task Force, you must be the best of the best. You must be able to be resourceful, intelligent about your situation, and quick to respond. Our unit deals with the worst of the scum in this city, and you must be prepared. You can bend earth against fire and water, but with metal you have another resource, another advantage. I'm going to teach you how to use it correctly. I don't know who's been teaching you, but whoever it was, forget everything they taught you. All of it. You're on _my_ turf now, and what I say goes." There's a small groan from somewhere.

_The Beast has returned._

"Motherhood didn't soften me up, so put your big boy pants on. And Ladies?" They pause, waiting for me to continue. I grin.

"Welcome to Hell." They cringe at the sharp blow of my whistle, and training begins. I think of Lin, and suddenly I miss her so terribly I'm antsy. I can't wait to get this day done and over with. Can't wait to hold her, smell her, hear her gurgling little mewls. I think of Sokka...

And strangely, I find myself eager to see him as well.

* * *

A/N: My ship has sunk D: I watched all of Korra, and Tokka is IMPOSSIBLE. Oh well. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the update. It was fun to write Toph at work. Haha. Wonder how Sokka's fairing? xD Prepare for some funny, light, and possibly fluffy moments. I think this will draw to a close rather soon. Another couple chapters maybe. It was meant to be short.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sokka_

"So, in conclusion, Proposition 13 will not only aid the city with the current influx of immigrants and new citizens, it will help restore a little balance." Councilman Hisao bows and takes a seat. There's a cough, followed by a few murmurs. It's a nice idea, and I'm not opposed to it. The city is currently in a state of disarray with the sudden, large number of new citizens. I stand, nodding curtly, the eyes of my fellow council members flicking up to me raptly. Discussion is over.

"Very well. All in favor-" I'm cut off by a sudden wail as the doors to the court room open suddenly , and my vexed looking secretary, Honomi, walks briskly into the courtroom, holding Lin at arm's length, her pert nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Councilman Sokka!" she cries, desperate. Lin doesn't seem to be faring any better. My daughter's small, cherubic face is scrunched up and a blotchy red as she howls angrily. Councilwoman Mei Ling hides her snort of laughter behind a delicate cough. Councilman Hisao shakes his head.

"Sokka, this isn't a daycare facility," he grouses. I apologize, striding over to collect Lin.

"What are you doing? I thought I asked you not to interrupt-" I whisper heatedly. Honomi dumps Lin gratefully into my arms, cutting me off.

"She's _dirty,"_ she hisses. I look at her a little stupidly; I can't believe what I'm hearing. Lin squirms uncomfortably.

"You interrupted a vote on a law for a _diaper change?!"_ My voice is rigid with disbelief. She quails under my withering glare for a moment, but regains her composure, haughtily tossing her pin straight black hair over her shoulder in defiance.

"Changing diapers is not in my job description!" she adds in a snippy tone before exiting. Lin quiets against me, but she still isn't the happiest baby on the block. She blinks large eyes up at me, little face still twisted in discomfort. I sigh.

"All in favor?" I ask, turning back to the Council. Hands are raised. Only one hand stays at its owner's side.

"Very well. Proposition 13 has been passed. Thank you everyone, we're done here," I say quickly, hardly sparing a backwards glance as I hurry out of the white marble courtroom and into my office. I ignore the soft gales of laughter that erupt behind me in good jest. Once in my office, I paw through the bag Toph gave me that morning.

_"Sure you can handle it, Sokka?" _She had asked with a condescending smirk as she waved a diaper in my face.

"_Anyone can change a diaper. It's not that hard." _I had scoffed. She had only laughed. I lay down a blanket on the leather love seat in my office and settle Lin down on it. She coos up at me, stuffing a fist in her mouth. I smile gently, ruffling her feathery black hair.

I look down at the diaper and grimace when I realize she isn't just wet, if the greenish-brown splotches showing through the cloth are anything to go by. I fish out a diaper and a cloth, wetting it.

Now might be an excellent time to point out, that while I was a pretty active parent with Touya, I had only had to change his diaper _once._ And it certainly wasn't a poopy one. I don't even realize I'm holding my breath until I unfasten the diaper, and the smell makes me wish I hadn't breathed in.

"Ugh, _Lin!_ What's your mother eating?!" I complain. Knowing that woman, who knows! Lin watches me closely, sucking noisily on her fingers. I had to have made a comical sight, because her little face splits in a smile. In an effort to get it done quickly and neatly as possible, I swipe at her with the thin disposable papery cloth, but Lin decides I need more practice. She squirms, rolling like a pudgy little crocodillo and kicking out at me while I try to wipe her clean.

"Ack! Lin! Oh my _god_ it's on my fingers now!" A few moments later, she's clean, smiling (although putting the new diaper on had been a little feat in itself given how much she moved), and I was washing my hands under hot water. I pull out a container of milk Toph gave me and set it down on my desk as I pass. At that time, Honomi enters the office, placing a tray of tea on my desk. She gives me an apologetic look.

"I don't do babies," she admits a little hesitantly. Really? I thought she had done just fine with Lin earlier.

"But you're a woman!" I whine. That earned me a (probably well earned) swat over the head along with a scathing reply of "jackass!". She stomps out of my office, head held high. Hisao is at the door, peering at her curiously as he enters. We're supposed to discuss other matters over lunch, I remember. I ignore his petulant stare as I rock Lin in the hopes she'll take her nap.

"You honestly couldn't get a babysitter?" He asks. I shrug, not too ruffled by his obvious displeasure at having a baby in the office.

"It's all being taken care of. I'm handling it just _fine._" I assure him. He harrumphs, bending over the tea tray. I turn away from him, watching as Lin's eyes slowly close. This isn't _so_tough. Besides, I've done it before. I admit, after Touya was born, I was often away on Council duties. I wasn't a more stable figure at home until Touya was well over a year old. Lin's breathing steadies, she's snoring softly, just like her mother. I smile, admiring her.

"Did Honomi bring milk for the tea?" Hiaso asks impatiently, searching the tray. I answer him without turning around.

"Huh? Oh yeah, should be on there." I say vaguely. Lin's eyes flutter open to the sound of my voice. I keep rocking, waiting for that inevitable moment of deep sleep. Finally, she sighs lightly, and I know that when I put her down, she won't wake. Hisao smacks his lips appreciatively, sipping at his tea and turning towards me.

"Ah, lovely flavor, this. The milk's even a bit sweet." He comments, pleased. I go over to the table to put the container of breast milk I took out away in the cooler for when Lin wakes up, but it's open and half gone. I blink, looking at the little pitcher of milk Hisao missed. I barely bite back a very loud rumble of vicious laughter. Hisao raises an eyebrow at me.

"What?" He self-consciously shifts, looking over himself. I grin, shaking my head. I don't particularly like Hisao, and this moment feels like sweet revenge for all the rude, embarrassing, out of place comments he's thrown at me _during_ work and meetings concerning my age and affiliation with Aang.

"Nothing. But yes, the milk is tasty," I agree, my eyes practically watering with the effort not to burst out laughing. I manage to make it through our little meeting. After he leaves, I burst into laughter, and accidentally wake up Lin, who doesn't seem to find her missing milk very funny.

* * *

"He _what?"_ Toph asks incredulously, pale eyes wide. I snigger. Since the last bottle I had for the working day is half gone, I've come to Toph to see if she could manage to cut her first day a little short. I admit, I didn't come to this decision easily. It was like admitting defeat, and my pride took a blow.

"He drank my breastmilk?" Toph repeats, as if she can't decide if it's horrifically funny or just plain horrific. I cough, trying to quell my laughter. Finally, she laughs loudly, smacking me on the shoulder in what I think is a playful manner (could have gone either way, since it actually hurt a little). I rub at the spot, grumbling, while she gets a kick out of the idea.

"Aw man, I wish I could have been there! Oh my _G__od_! Karma really is a bitch!" She clutches at her side. We both start laughing, earning a few looks from people in the building.

"That's fucking priceless. Alright, I guess I can get going. I've livened up the newbies, so it shouldn't be a big deal." At her wide, satisfied grin, I look over her shoulder at the "newbies", who are groaning and leaning on each other for support. They look a little green.

"I guess you did," I say dryly. Toph chuckles.

"Got a guy in there who thought he was the shit _and_ a lothario. I think he's now permanently scared of women." There's a heartbeat of silence. I can't help it. I laugh again. Even Lin, from her sling, watches our faces and gurgles, pleased. It isn't until the laughing has subsided that we realize we've just interacted in a friendly manner towards each other; we aren't glaring or snubbing or caustic. It catches me by surprise, and for a moment, I'm too relieved to appreciate the warm feeling of elation. She's actually _laughing_ with me. I try to help Toph fasten the sling, but she swats me away, none too gently, and places Lin inside it. We leave the Justice Building, and we don't speak. I grope for something to say. _Anything._

"Remember the time you called Aang Twinkle Toes in front of that stripper when we busted that whore house?" I ask. A gloating grin tugs at Toph's lips.

"And he will _never_ live that down again!" she says, triumphant. We snicker together. She pauses.

"That stand that sells honey cakes is around the corner," she observes quietly. Again, I'm caught by surprise.

"Do you want me to buy you one?" I smile, feeling more comfortable around her than I have since before the night she left. It's a welcome feeling that gives me hope.

"Would I want one otherwise?" she scoffs. I laugh again, and buy her a sticky honey cake. Before long, we're back at her place, and I try to hide my surprise when she invites me in. I tread carefully, wondering how easy this will be to unwillingly mess up.

I feel like a sixteen year old on his first date.

Goodie.

It's a peaceful evening. We play with Lin, I help fix dinner, and we _talk. _We talk about Lin, about Toph's little house in Xi Shulin and the lady in the village who sold fish and heckled Toph in a grandmotherly way. We talk about the ocean and Lin's birth, but we never _ever_ talk about us.

I wonder if it's forbidden territory. The words are in my mouth, and I only have to open it and spill, but she's being so nice to me today, I don't want to ruin it. So I keep my mouth clamped shut. I wonder if it had anything to do with laughing together and realizing how nice it felt. Hearing her voice drop softly, her pink mouth perk up in a genuine, hesitant smile, and best of all, she started to look like the Toph I remember. Her face isn't lined with bitterness, and her eyes aren't narrowed shrewdly.

I wonder, briefly, if I'm dreaming, because it feels so surreal.

I realize, when the lights flicker, that it's getting late. The sun long ago dipped beneath the city horizon, and now the sky is an inky black with a few, scattered stars. Toph yawns pointedly. Lin's been asleep for over an hour now. I fidget. We're sitting in a companionable silence that I'm afraid to break.

"I think it's time for you to leave." She remarks. Well, that's Toph for you. Sends a missile into your hope boat and sinks it just when you think you've gotten onto her good side.

Dammit.

"Sure." I don't move from my seat. I want to make an impression, make some sort of statement, but I don't know what to do.

"You know, today was nice," Toph says quietly. "I actually treated you like my friend again. 'S not so bad."

The hope boat floats!

"Really?" I find myself asking. Toph considers.

"Don't get used to it. You made me laugh and bought me a honey cake so I let it slide for today," she says, but the grin on her face says otherwise. "It's a start, but don't get any funny ideas!"

"How can I not?" I tease, but she grows silent, brooding. We're on the cusp of something.

"I'm haven't forgiven you yet," she says. The dull ache, the sinking feeling that plagued me for so long after she left, returns. That's when I decide to get bold. I figure it's probably against my better judgment, but I do it anyway. I fish into my pocket, quietly setting the other half of my shell next to her on the couch.

"I never got rid of it," I say quietly. Her face is expressionless. I think that's worse than getting screamed at to get out.

"Good night, Sokka."

I don't push my luck further. I leave quietly and respectfully. As I'm walking down the steps of the building towards the sidewalk, I decide to head back towards the house. Suki is supposed to be back on Kyoshi Island with her parents after our split, so I'm not worried about awkward tension. With Katara on bedrest, I feel I should give Aang and his family their privacy.

Fifteen minutes later I'm unlocking the door, which gives way with a soft click. I haven't been here in days. Inside, it smells exactly as I remember, clean with a lemony hint, as if nothing's changed. I don't bother with lights. I walk to my bedroom, and collapse on the bed with a weary sigh.

_It's a start._ I think of Toph, and smile hesitantly. The light in the hall flickers on.

"Sokka?" I freeze at the sound of Suki's voice. Why is she still here?

"You came back," she says. She's huddled in her robe, peeking out of the bathroom.

"I thought you wouldn't be home." I correct her, and her face falls.

"Oh." There's a long stretch of tense silence.

"How are you?" she asks falteringly. I shrug.

"Could be better. You?" She says nothing in response, only grips her robe about her tighter.

I sigh. "What are you doing here? I thought you were-"

"I came back yesterday." she interrupts. There's silence again.

"Were you seeing Toph?" It's so sudden that I can't even speak. I stare at her.

"What-?"

"I'm not an idiot. I knew for a while, or suspected anyway, that you were seeing someone else. I never really knew who when we were together, but I saw you today with Toph, and I thought..." her voice trails, dipping low.

"Is Lin yours?"

I don't want to talk about this with her. Not right now. I get up off the bed.

"Where are you going?" Suki calls.

"I think I should give you your space. Kinda weird being in the same house, right?" I smile grimly.

"Goodnight, Suki."

"Sokka?"

I turn to face her. She's smiling bitterly.

"I think you deserve this." She's been waiting for a chance to hurt me back, I can see it in her eyes. She knows by now, knows that Toph left because of me, hid Lin away because of _me. _I look away from her, giving her a clean shot. Her eyes are boring holes on the back of my neck, but I don't look at her. I don't blame her for it. Suki disappears down the hall after a moment, and I hear the bedroom door close. I don't slip out the door as quickly as I planned.


	7. Chapter 7

_Toph_

I know I'm done for when the bastard gives me his shell.

"Goodnight Sokka." I need him to leave. I need him to leave _now _before I think about doing something stupid like _maybe _forgiving his ass or running to him and grabbing his hand and saying some sappy romantic shit like "_don't leave. Please."_

_Please._

So I tell him goodnight, and pray that he leaves, quickly and quietly. He's gone in an instant and suddenly I'm alone. It's nothing new, being alone, but this is different. It's something cold and dense that settles on my shoulders and makes it hard to breathe and think. The dark never scares me, obviously, but suddenly I'm wishing I could at least sense him, feel the subtle vibrations of his footfalls on the floor. The rumble of his voice. Even just his smell.

_Please._

I can't even smell him anymore. Sometimes his scent lingers, a phantom right beside me, but not tonight. I'm just alone, waiting on the couch and hoping the night doesn't stretch on too long. Not like I can feel the difference anyway, the world just gets quiet. Too quiet, and I can practically hear the hum of my own thoughts. Not for the first time I think, _why did it have to happen this way? _

Lin's sleeping, and I don't know what to do with myself. I wander, hover by her door and listen to her breathe. I wonder, just for a moment, if she looks like Sokka. Now I have to touch her, be reassured by the feel of her soft skin against mine. My fingers glide over her little nose, as if to sense some sort of similarity between her and her father, but I only feel Lin.

I miss him, and I almost want to hate Sokka for it. I didn't think it'd be this hard. When I shut myself away and carefully nursed an abhorrence for him, I thought it would stick, I thought it was stronger than me, with how spitefully I had crafted it. But it's hard to hate him, to want to hate him, when he's so damned close. It's hard to hate him when I think _I'm no better. _

And it's the truth.

I never let myself think about Suki, or Squeaker, because then I feel like a heartless bitch. It was easier to be jealous of her, and to not think about Squeaker at all. But that's silly, because no matter how much I tried to forget, they're part of Sokka, part of who he is. I reach out for Lin, desperate for a touch, when I think of Squeaker. It makes my heart ache, and I think of Suki.

We were never really friends. Maybe at one point, we bordered on what you might call friends. She laughed at my jokes and at my swearing which Katara hated with a passion, and I laughed at her crack-whip responses to Sokka that sometimes made him look like a dunderhead compared to her. Sometimes she'd say stuff. Meaningless stuff, like what Squeaker did that day or how Sokka had irritated her earlier, but she loved the fool anyway, and how I was doing today?

She locked herself up after Squeaker died. There were whispers and rumors. She'd quit her job, or maybe she'd been fired, the details were never clear. Mrs. Ho, that old gossip from down the street who smelled like she had dumped a whole bottle of flowery perfume over her head, had seen Suki slumped over drunk and yelling at some restaurant. The owners had to escort her out and call Sokka.

"Embarrassing. She'll tarnish her husband's political image!" Mrs. Ho had tutted to her friends, and I remembered feeling a spark of anger. So I called her a bitch (I had to refrain from calling her 'ho' and smirking at my own cleverness, but I figured 'bitch' got the point across more clearly) and stomped on my way.

Eventually, it was like Suki was some old memory, something hazy and forgotten that you weren't sure of anymore. The first night with Sokka, I didn't think about her. Not until after he'd left, after I could hear the guilt in his voice. Torn between want and honor to his marriage. I thought about her when I could smell him on my skin, could still vividly imagine the heaviness of his hands.

The fire in me slowly died, and now all I feel is remorse. There's a part of me that's embarrassed, and doesn't want Suki to find out. Doesn't want her to know, that after she lost her child, I gave Sokka another. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply about it.

The silence drags on. I think about how Katara must know, and I wonder if she hates me for it. All this time, she's been holding her niece, and has been none the wiser. I wonder what Aang would say. Probably some pacifist bullshit. I smile a little.

I don't know how long it's been now. Time is foreign to me. In my world, nothing speeds up or slows down, it just is. You wait. Maybe you wait for a smell. A vibration. The hum of a voice. The birds outside beginning to stir as the world wakes. It lets you know time exists, that the world isn't going forward without you.

There's a knock at my door. I don't think _that _much time has passed, but it's definitely been a while. I stand, grimacing against the stiffness in my neck. I've been bent over Lin's crib all this time, waiting for her to wake because I can't sleep. I'm wary as I head to the door, because I realize the world's still quiet and sleepy. I pause before I open the door, sensing the body on the other side.

I already know it isn't Sokka, and it's not Katara either. I almost don't open it. I almost pretend I didn't hear and go back to Lin's room to wait until she goes away, but it wouldn't be fair.

I open the door. "Hey Suki," I say to the wind. It's quiet so long I begin to fear I've made a mistake. I hate being wrong, it makes my stomach clench and my face heat up with angry embarrassment. Maybe it's one of the neighbors, even though they would never knock on my door this late unless the world was ending and the only safe haven was under my bed. They're scared of me, those women.

"Can I come inside?" she finally asks, and then I know I'm right. Her voice is tight, edged with anger. I step to the side, wordlessly inviting Suki in.

* * *

I don't know what to expect, but it certainly isn't _this. _This quiet that makes me squirm, makes me feel alone again, like maybe there really isn't anyone here but me, but that's a lie. I can hear her breathing, sense her heaviness across from me. She's here alright, she just doesn't want to talk. For a moment, I wonder if she even knows. I don't offer her tea or something to eat. Who am I, Katara?

"I thought you were staying at your parents'." I break the ice, hopeful. Maybe she'll start talking and it won't be so damn quiet and stressful. I can do yelling. I can do screaming my throat raw and throwing a few cutting remarks. Hell, I do that everyday at work.

I don't do silence well. It's annoying, ambiguous, even fearful.

"I wanted to come home," she says shortly. More silence. I almost excuse myself to go check on Lin, ask Suki if she needs somewhere to spend the night, and if she does, there are blankets in the closet, but I don't get the chance.

"Did you ever wonder about me when you were with him?"

I didn't think it would cut this deep, but it does. It sears. I want to tell her no. Of course I didn't, but I'm not that selfish, even if I want to be. There were times I envied her so badly my stomach ached. But now I wonder who should be jealous of who. The thought irritates me, rubs me the wrong way. So I say, "Sometimes."

Suki accepts this. "You know, sometimes I think we could have been friends."

"We were," I say.

"Not really. We liked each other, we talked, but we never really clicked, you know?" She laughs a little, but it's bitter. "I always saw him _looking _at you. Sometimes I wouldn't think anything of it, and sometimes, it would make me so angry. Other times, I almost wished he would just get up and leave. Go to you." she sighs heavily, like she's the weariest woman in the world.

She says, "I don't want to hate you."

If I had any shame, I would cry at this, ask her to forgive me, but I don't have any tears to spill. This is the woman I fought alongside all those years ago when the heat rose in waves from Ozai's hate. She had been the girl who saved me from drowning in the sea at the Serpent's Pass. I nod quickly. It's my silent way of saying _go ahead. Fair's fair. _If she were up to it, I'd probably give her a free hit. Just this once. But Suki's not quite like that.

"But I want to. I want to so _badly._ I want to think that if it wasn't for you, Sokka would try harder for us." She stops talking, lapses into silence for a while. I almost fall asleep on the couch waiting for her to speak again.

"Then I think, maybe it would have happened anyway, me and Sokka, even if Touya was alive." It's the first time I've heard her utter the name in two years without breaking.

I want to say something, but I don't know what. I have no wisdom, no pretty words. I can only say, "I'm sorry." I could add something else. _I wish I had been more considerate, _or _I wish you didn't have to find out this way _or _If only this had happened under different circumstances, _but it's all a bunch of phooey. Empty words to ease my own nervousness, which seems to heighten my senses. Everything she does seems to reverberate right through me, right down to a hitch in her breathing. Suki doesn't respond. I didn't expect her to, and for a long while we don't speak again. I take out a blanket for her and she falls asleep on the couch. Her breathing's steady and slow.

By morning, she's gone. I didn't think she'd stay for breakfast. Something feels lighter, but I don't know what. Lin is still sleeping, so soundly I check on her four times before I'm satisfied. I make tea. Think of Suki. Sit on the couch facing the window so that sunlight warms my face. I take Sokka's shell in my hand. For a long time, until I hear the first of Lin's morning cries, I sit there holding it, rolling it between my fingers, touching it.

When Sokka knocks at the door to pick up Lin, I'm still holding it.


End file.
